I was speaking with someone about the Catholic Church’s various responses to the Coronavirus pandemic in my country and city, insofar as some parishes are doing much better than others.  The person said that it was as if some in the Church are holding their breaths.  A few are actively reaching out, going to great lengths to safely communicate with their local parishioners and being wonderfully pastoral, while others have fallen completely and disappointingly silent. It seems as though many of us have seized up and do not know what do to (or do know but feel helpless due to fear and/or the restrictions).

When do we get to exhale?  How long will it take before we realise that we can reach out in some way?  This is especially important for people of faith and those in charge of our churches. 

What can we do?  What could we be focussing on?

We can also decide that we need to work on ourselves.

Back in March and April 2020 I entered the beginning weeks of my country’s pandemic experience in a state of silent observation and foreboding.  This quickly grew to a strong anger due to the lack of response and empathy by some I knew in religious circles.  Why weren’t they doing anything?  Why had I and many others in our parish been forgotten?  Where were my church people?  Why such silence and turning inwards?  Why could we talk the talk but not walk the talk now that we needed it the most?  Where were the hands, feet, and love of Christ stretched out to me and others, especially to the sick and lonely in my suburb?  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  Former feelings and experiences of rejection and abandonment came flooding back.  I was gutted. 

On top of this, day after day I woke up and heard about the hundreds upon hundreds of deaths overnight in Italy, Spain, the United States, and other countries.  This rolling tsunami of evil kept coming.  Media conferences were held by our Australian Prime Minister announcing closures, restrictions, and other losses of freedoms we enjoyed a mere week ago.  March 15 2020 is a date that will be forever etched in my memory, when I last felt “normal” and had attended Mass BC (Before Corona) and now AC (After Corona).  Everything was changing so quickly.

I initially “coped” (barely) by turning to prayer, singing, still preparing for the following week’s Mass hymns (even though the Mass was a no go), sifting through every news story, checking the Johns Hopkins University COVID-19 map tallies, looking at the little red dots of death and destruction sweeping the world with horror.  Then out came news of the first virus cases in Australia from international travellers, after which our borders were promptly shut to the world.  The “new normal” was anything but. 

In the ensuing weeks and months I would go through a turbulent rollercoaster of numbness, depression, despair, neglecting prayer completely, not being able to get out of bed until late for several days, feeling rejected by some friends, going crazy with the silence, enduring family tensions and arguments, writing blog posts, not bothering with music or singing, etc. etc. etc.

Over time, I started to slow down.  I grew to enjoy moments of silence at night, noticing the sounds and sights of nature by day, seeing flocks of birds flying freely, finding light in the stories of singing from Italian balconies as well as other kindnesses from around the world.  Love emerging. 

In June I had the opportunity to return to Mass and singing for four Sundays before a second wave of the virus struck my city and a return to stage three lockdown which we continue today, now including mandatory mask-wearing outdoors.  The case numbers in my city have remained stubbornly high since then, and at the time of writing this we have just recorded our highest number of new cases anywhere in the country since the pandemic began.  Deaths continue and the aged care sector in my state has been hard hit.  Our most elderly and vulnerable citizens are suffering profoundly.  Compared to many other countries, Australia’s case and fatality numbers are fewer, but any death is a tragedy.

The only place of normality and stability has been in my nightly dreams.  There, I have been able to sing with other choir members freely again.  There, no social distancing applies.  There, I have been on various trips and adventures without fear or penalty.  In my dreams I have been able to touch others and even fly – all without a mask and no mention of any virus.  What a strange experience to then wake up and realise that the “real world” is the true nightmare!

For me, the second lockdown we are now experiencing in my city has been somewhat easier to deal with.  I have the experience of the first lockdown.  I have the memory and gift of having briefly returned to Mass when I was able to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, and offer my service of singing in prayer again.  My church was standing proudly, but walking into that space for the first time in months I sensed a heavy atmosphere of sadness and desertion within those 153 year old walls.  I remembered all of the parishioners who were missing.  I have since completed an eight-day online Ignatian retreat with a spiritual director – a gift and grace from God for which I am deeply grateful.  The retreat gave me a beautiful experience of God’s personal closeness, the reality of His Words and promises to me in Scripture, and other avenues to go deeper.

What I’m trying to say, dear readers, is that my story and yours is an evolving journey throughout these difficult times we are living in.  We must be compassionate to ourselves and embrace all of it – the anger, the ugliness, the darkness as well as any crack of light we can hold onto and learn from.  For most of us this is the first time we have experienced a pandemic and all that goes with it (the severe economic downturn, job losses, mental health issues, etc.).  Please do not be ashamed of your journey.  Own it.  Now is the time to invest in yourself, your soul, your faith, your relationships, and sift through the muck to find the truth – God’s Truth – because He is for real. 

For me – and this is heavily due to my retreat experience, spiritual direction, and prayer – I feel that God is calling us to go deeper with Him.  He will turn this time to good, but needs our cooperation.  I have come to see that my focus must be about getting my spiritual house in order first, to focus on my soul, my relationship with God (working on that seemingly “elusive” personal relationship with Jesus which I have longed for), and praying for His grace, for I know not when He will come.  From this place of healing, I can then help others. 

Much of our way in Christian life lies in remembering who we are and who God is.  You see, we have forgotten Who created us, why He created us, how He loves us, and that He wants to give us so much more if we only ask for His grace.  But we have to go back to Catholic 101 – get back to the basics of the faith and don’t hold back in building your knowledge and desire for the Truth.

Who is God?  He is the Creator.  He is mightier than anything that the evil one can throw at us, including this virus.  You see, evil wants us to forget about Jesus – to blame and curse Him for all of this – but we must not believe those lies.  You are God’s total obsession and He loves you with a passionate love.  You are His beloved.  This is a plea made by the wonderful Henri Nouwen – listen to this talk and allow it to sink into your mind.  Abide in the Words of Scripture and ask God to give you His graces and the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  The Bible is not a dead book, but a dynamic reality.

It is only from this place of peace in yourself as God sees you, and confidence in Him who made you, that you can then take action.  Don’t hold back.  Now is the time to make the crooked lines in your life straight. 

If you are depleted, depressed, and numb (I see many people on Twitter saying this) understand that you are not alone.  Take the time you need to feed your mind and thoughts with good things, subscribe to positive news feeds (I subscribe to positive Twitter accounts and quotes which boosts my mental health and makes me laugh), include music and singing into your day (you won’t feel like it, but once you start you will be happier – I guarantee it).

If you haven’t connected with your friends or if your friends have disappeared on you, message them anyway and tell them how much they mean to you, show them by your actions that you care and are thinking of or praying for them.  They may never respond but at least you tried. 

If you have Internet access find a way to do an online retreat, find a good spiritual director (it took me fifteen years to finally meet a good one), or attend an online religious conference – many are popping up and are free, for example, Divine Mercy Night on 30 July.

I have been voraciously hunting for online Catholic talks and articles on Twitter, YouTube, the abovementioned religious summits, books, Scripture reflections, free online courses, etc.  If you look at my Twitter page you will find some of my favourite quotes, videos, music, and other links to these things which may also help you.

If you have the resources and time you can find free or low-cost things to nourish your spirit and relationship with God, who is our goal in life.  If you feel lost and have closed yourself off from family and friends, please reach out to them.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  What we are all going through today is nothing to be ashamed of.  Don’t hold back.  Now is the time of mercy.  You are God’s precious one:

“But now thus says the Lord,
    he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
³ For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour…
⁴ Because you are precious in my sight,
    and honoured, and I love you..
⁵ Do not fear, for I am with you;
    I will bring your offspring from the east,
    and from the west I will gather you;
⁶ I will say to the north, “Give them up,”
    and to the south, “Do not withhold;
bring my sons from far away
    and my daughters from the end of the earth—
⁷ everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”
(Isaiah 43:1-7)

Read the above Scripture passage again – this is about YOU, beloved one.

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