Posted in Musings

An Easter Miracle

Many years ago when I was looking for work after completing University, my mother and I prayed a lot together about many intentions, including my desire to find a good job where I could put my education, skills, and talents to use.  It was a very difficult time when I often felt hopeless and dejected; however I found much solace in prayer, reading, and quiet.

But something else happened to my mother and I during that period which still evokes feelings of wonder, happiness, and comfort.  It was just before Easter, and what follows is the honest truth.

My parents and I were getting ready to go to Mass one evening.  While at home I put some money into my handbag in preparation for the Offertory collection – there was nothing else in my bag.  So off we went to Mass.  During the offertory I put all of this same money into the collection pouch when it came to our pew.  My handbag was empty; I remember looking into it and there was the blackness of the fabric staring back at me. 

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Posted in Musings

Singing from the Same Hymn Sheet

“Don’t just believe everything you read girls,
question everything.”

She emphasised that word: ‘EVERYTHING’. 

The class was quiet.

And I’ve since questioned why her words stayed with me.

Ms T. was my English teacher in my senior VCE high school years.  She was Greek-Australian with frizzy long hair, a zest for life, a hearty laugh, and she would always wear vests with long, colourful, hippie-like skirts. To the introverted me she always seemed a bit intense.  If she was teaching and saying things like this today – and no doubt other things I now cannot recall – she would most likely be cancelled.

Every teacher had their idiosyncrasies, expectations, and temperaments, but English class with Ms T. always challenged me in so many ways as a studious and quiet student.  I loved English, and although I was a bit terrified of her, there was something about her classes which I enjoyed.  I could expect the unexpected and it was never boring.  At times it felt a bit rebellious and she actually made us think about issues like maturing people should.

Why did her advice that day rise above all of the other conversations and lessons I had with my other high school teachers? Why is it seared into my memory to such an extent that I can still see the determined expression on her face and the frown on her forehead when she said it?

I always wonder what happened to Ms T. and once tried to look her up on social media without success.  I would not be surprised if she is not on social media as she always seemed different to all of the other teachers, like the radical, bohemian, and ever-questioning teachers in some well-known movies. Turns out I grew up to have a little of Ms T. in me…

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Posted in Musings

Lessons from a Hamlet Life

“They say a storm in summer clears the air and leaves the world peaceful. But there are some storms that stir the world so about, that when they have passed, things can never be set back quite as they were.”

– Adult Laura Timmins, Lark Rise to Candleford by Flora Thompson
Source: “Lark Rise to Candleford Quotes.” Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 30 May 2021. https://www.quotes.net/movies/lark_rise_to_candleford_quotes_104082

This was possibly my third or fourth viewing of the ‘Lark Rise to Candleford’  BBC series.  And what a joy it was to be transported far from the woes and complexities of this modern life, pandemics, and on and on it goes. 

I found myself absorbed in the stories and lives of the people of Lark Rise and Candleford.  The simple hamlet folk of Lark Rise live in close-knit families, work hard on the land, struggle to make ends meet, and live rough and raw, but they are kind, resilient, and unafraid to live the life they have. 

The more well-to-do Candleford citizens however, indulge in food and fashions, gossip, grand aspirations, titter and tattle from (and about) the hilarious and haughty Pratt sisters, their esteemed and wealthy (but friendly) squire, and all the goings on revolving around their Post Office and its beloved but strong-headed postmistress, Dorcas Lane.

We are taken on quite the journey…

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Posted in Musings

When We Forget

As I reflect on the incredible sacrifice that thousands made for the freedom of others on this ANZAC Day 2021, and I look back at the madness of the year that has gone by since the beginning of the current pandemic, the realisation is always the same – the battle is always for and within humanity.

It is not the colour of one’s skin that matters but only one colour – the red that flows in all of us and has been shed so much in battlefields and hospitals.  What is essential is the soul – it is the essence of every person; the human spirit that perseveres through the most hideous of times.

ANZAC Day – and every other day in the life of a person – is not only about standing and gazing at flames and candles. 

It is not only about counting how many men are left from wars gone by.

It is not only about listening to stirring music and laying wreaths.

It is not even only about the valiant stories – as tremendously significant as they are.

All of these things are good and necessary, but it is all about love, cherishing human life, and pursuing what is right and just throughout time – theirs and ours. It is about finding our purpose and place in the world, and deciding firmly where we will end up.  It is about real people and real decisions – ‘yes’ or ‘no‘, choosing black or white and not sitting on the fence.  It is about whether you are for God or not, and for good or not.  It is really that simple and that difficult.

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Posted in Musings

What Matters Most

Lent 2021 is almost upon us.

This time last year life was, for all intents and purposes, kicking along in this new decade. Sure, there may have been rumours about some sort of virus in China spreading but many people – here in the southern hemisphere at least – were only hearing tiny rumblings and nothing to be overly concerned about.  We were sniggering about a mad rush on toilet paper and some panic-buying in the stores. And wasn’t ‘Corona’ the brand for some alcoholic drink?

So here we are in February 2021, a full twelve months on, and my, oh my, don’t we see things differently now?

Have you figured it all out yet? Has time caught up with your brain?

I know that my head is still reeling at how fast things have changed. In many ways my spirit is still rocking and rolling from this continuing pandemic. Nothing feels or looks the same – like a mad sci-fi movie that never ends. For a while in my country things seemed to be improving, but here I am yet again in a third lockdown – albeit for only five days, supposedly. For a while we were deluding ourselves into thinking that it was almost over in this country and that things would go back to what they were.

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Posted in Musings

A 2020 Perspective

The candleholder casts a beautiful blue light in the immediate space around my room.

I feel calm and at peace when I pray by the softness of such comforting light.

At times – when I sense heaviness upon my soul and heart, as I have many times this year – I leave my little candle on all night in a safe space. It reminds me that God is watching over me until dawn, and the darkness lifts. Likewise, regardless of what has happened to me and to you this year, the light of Christ pervades the whole of creation. We know this because nothing exists outside of Christ (John 1:1-5). He, together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, is the Master who is in charge of all things.

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Posted in Musings

Second Wave Lockdown… How Do I Cope?

My Australian city had its second wave lockdown from mid-July 2020. As we now slowly emerge, to say that the successive lockdowns were difficult, isolating, lonely, and depressing was an understatement. While it has been encouraging to see my city and suburb now tentatively coming to life, people are still keeping inside, and I wonder what this whole pandemic has done to our mental health and spiritual wellbeing.

Part of the reason for writing this post is so that I will not forget what it was like, as uncomfortable as that still feels. I do not want to forget for fear of losing the lessons I learnt and am still learning on this journey. Many things did and did not happen the way I thought they would. Herein lies the first lesson – have no expectations.

Those who are reading this in the northern hemisphere may have just returned to tighter lockdowns and restrictions than before. You might be feeling robbed of your freedoms in new ways. You may be feeling hopeless or unsure of what do to. What follows is my perspective from the southern hemisphere, in the hope that it may be helpful for you.

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Posted in Musings

Why Churches Are Essential and What We Are Missing

In the last few days there has been much conversation in the media about the reopening and loosening of restrictions in Victoria, Australia. Ours has been the most constrained of all the Australian states (and amongst the tightest in the world) over the last seven months of the Covid-19 pandemic. It is fantastic to finally see a glimmer of hope – pet groomers and hairdressers have been allowed to reopen, and other steps increasing our freedom of movement from 5km to 25km. More steps to open are on the horizon.

Given the high number of cases we once experienced – into the seven hundreds only two months or so ago, not thousands like other countries, but still alarming with deaths rising – it is now of course very prudent to cautiously reopen. No one wants a third wave. No one wants more people to die in our state. Our lockdown was stressful, isolating, mentally draining, and a true spiritual trial. No one wants to go back to that. I do not want to go back to some very dark places I found myself in.

But one would think that reopening would include at least a plan, a discussion, a reason to hope and look forward for all sectors of society especially communities of faith who have been very patient and completely docile to the government’s requests. However, Victorians of various faiths who expected some form of announcement or roadmap last Sunday 18 October were heavily let down by the Victorian government. The build-up was promising – citizens of Victoria were told that there would be fewer but very significant steps to emerge from our long, cold, hard winter of confinement. If those steps were not immediately implemented then at least transparency and disclosure of what would come would be welcomed.

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Posted in Musings

‘True North’ Course Review

In July this year I completed an eight-day online Ignatian Retreat during one of my city’s Covid-19 lockdowns (we’ve had four challenging stages – still in stage four…). It was a beautiful retreat and a blessing for me during a time of personal struggle since the pandemic began in March 2020.  I was (and still am) missing Mass, friends, activities, and freedom. Most of all, I was angry, frustrated, and felt abandoned and wounded. What I thought would be the start of a better year was turning out to be a huge disappointment. Allow me to backtrack for a bit…

I have longed for practical answers to big Catholic existential and theological questions, but did not want to enrol in a long, intellectual theology degree to find solutions. Before the pandemic hit my country in mid to late March, I had started a course at a Catholic university but ended up dissatisfied with it and the institution. In a way the lockdown to come was a blessing that allowed me to escape. Still, I was unfulfilled. During my retreat it was as if I became even more aware of my starvation and desire for more, and while I could see the banquet of heaven, I did not know how to reach it. Nothing satisfied me and I sank into depression.  

For those of us who are fortunate to have access to such things online, my Ignatian retreat fueled a growing hunger to dive deeper into my faith. I also had a long-held desire for a more personal relationship with Christ but, like many of us, I didn’t really know how. Sure, I was going to church and trying to be a good person, but I was mostly filling my time with study, work, and general busyness. Truth be told, I was living on the surface most of the time, and in quite a negative space.

Although I knew about St Ignatius of Loyola my entire life and grew up in a Jesuit-run parish, I found Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises too daunting and complicated to get into after a few attempts. The heavy stuff is not something you do alone. My internal nudges were the beginnings of something I knew I had been avoiding or unable to dedicate myself to for a very long time. The retreat also drove me to ask more profound questions about myself at a time of global crisis: “what does God want of me?”, “what is my true vocation?”, “how can I know Christ personally?”, “how can I best use my time?”, “what will I do after this crisis?”, “will I be single forever?”, and so on.

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