Today’s topic is not something which many of us choose to talk about, but I think we seriously need to look at it.  Loneliness.  I’m not talking about choosing to have periods of time alone or intentional silence – that can actually be a very good thing for you, and many of us can cope with it pretty well (especially introverts).  But ongoing, persistent, unwanted loneliness is a real crisis of disconnection.  It affects the health, wellbeing, mind, and spirit of so many people around the world, despite appearances to the contrary.  Perhaps even many of you reading this right now have been or are going through this.

To say that it is a hidden epidemic of our modern times is not being overdramatic.  In fact, studies and science have proven that chronic loneliness is bad for you, and it is on the rise due to various factors – how we live, work, socialize (or not), our age, gender, stage in life, etc.  I won’t go into the details – you can read more about it here: Feeling isolated? You’re not alone. Here’s why 1 in 4 of us is lonely and Chronic Loneliness Is a Modern-Day Epidemic.  There are so many articles out there on the internet and programs on television which you can access, but today I hope to encourage you to think about being part of the solution.

Part of the reason why I started this blog was to try to reach out to people with words to make a difference in their lives, even in some small way.  I love books, words, writing, and language.  I’ve been touched by other people’s words – whether on paper, sung, or spoken – throughout my life.  As a singer I know that words, together with music, can help others in beautifully personal and spiritual ways.  So now I’m one of those crazy (depending on who you ask) people who believe that words can move others, inspire them, make them think a little deeper, and ultimately encourage positive action right where they happen to be on this planet (hey, one can dream, right?).  Creative pursuits can do that – make people connect and feel something beyond themselves, so that we break down our fear and the walls we tend to build around ourselves. 

I see so many people walking down the street – especially in our swarming cities – who live in a state of grey.  They are clearly weary, whether it is because of their job, a relationship issue, health concern, money worries, etc.  Their eyes are glazed over or glued to a device.  People are so entangled like ‘Glad Wrap’ with so many things, that we have forgotten what it truly feels like to be human.  Many of us do not know what a true community looks and feels like.  One of the most surprising things I read is that the loneliest people are youth, and then older people at the other end of the age spectrum.  This seems to be everywhere – even in our churches.  The youth and the older generation are segregated.  Us and them.

What has happened to everyone?  Yes, we live in an age of terrorism and heinous random crime.  We hear and read reports of innocent people being gunned down, or young lives being devastated by drugs, suicides, or robots looking after the elderly because no one else has the time or care to do it, or humans trashing the environment, and on and on it goes.  This is scary stuff.  Truly.  If we have come to the point where we cannot trust humanity, we hide ourselves away from each other, even if we hate it.  We want to be safe, even if the result is loneliness.  Putting ourselves forward to connect with others who are genuinely good, decent, kind, holy, and who will not fleece or hurt us in some way (and how do we really know?), is incredibly difficult and risky. 

Often as I was growing up, and still now, my parents told me stories about the community they came from overseas, and how together everyone was, and involved in life, even though they were poor.  They were happy.  They loved their faith and church.  They participated in community events as one.  They shared food, stories, liturgical events, being in nature, and engaged in the adventures of life together. Here in the West, everyone is for themselves.

We in the West have so many amazing things available to us at our fingertips – brilliant technology, ‘smart’ devices, disposable income, comfortable living, clean water, healthy food, warm homes, a good job, growing infrastructure and all of the usual buzz words, but never before have we been truly empty inside, if we honestly admitted it.  Many of us live in streets where neighbours don’t talk to each other – we don’t even know if anyone is alive in the house next door!  Stories are reported in the news of elderly folks being deceased for weeks in their homes without anyone even knowing about it.

Our technology can unite us (so many of us have blogs!), but it can also isolate us.  Years ago I borrowed my library books at the counter and the librarian would take the time to recommend other books or just have a chat.  Now I take them to a self-serve machine and can spend time in the library without even talking to another soul.  The librarian’s counter has shrunk and people have to ring a bell if it is unattended.  How cold and impersonal things have become!  No wonder so many people are suffering.

So what is the solution?  Let us turn to some positive steps we can take today.

Faith Foundation

Faith is like a foundation for a house.  It is absolutely necessary before taking any action, in my view.  God is our beginning and our end.  I read something the other day that said we all have an appointed time to meet Christ one day – face-to-face.  While here on earth, why not connect with God who is the Father of us all?  Once you build up your mind and soul through your faith, or indeed try to find out if you have a faith or are seeking something more, you will find that there are other people in your community like you.  God will put them in your path.  Maybe they are at church.  Maybe you can talk to a priest, religious sister or brother, or a friend who can guide you.  Maybe you can even just find a book about it and learn something new about having faith in God to inspire you.  Even just listen to a hymn that speaks to your heart.  Please don’t discount this step if you want to feel less lonely – give it a try and see what happens.

Mindset and Character

We all approach loneliness differently.  Some of us may love it, others hate it or work hard to avoid it, life circumstances may throw it at us, or others just go with the flow of it.  No matter who you are or why you may feel lonely – whether it is long-term or brief – use this time to your advantage.  Get to work on developing a positive mindset and character.  Try to find out more about what makes you tick and how you can work on yourself to become a better person.  I strongly believe that everyone has a talent, gift, or skill to offer in life for the benefit of others.  This point links with the following one.

Formation or Education

You might think you have it together – you already have a family, a job, or you are single and working hard, but you still feel lonely.  Take some time to invest in yourself including your education or formation.  Lately I have been drawn to the word ‘formation’ because no matter how old we are, we are always learning and growing.  We are being formed by all sorts of experiences and by God, even in our darkest moments of silence. 

Is there anything at your local community college, university, or education provider that interests you?  A day course, single subject, or longer course of study?  Is there a group you can join at church or start one yourself?  There you can meet others who have the same interests or desire to learn.  When your brain is busy and you can engage with others in conversation, loneliness takes a back seat.   

Get a Pet

A few paragraphs ago my dog entered the room and licked my hand as I was typing this very post about loneliness – for real.  Dogs know how to connect better than people do.  They are completely innocent and don’t care about our past or future.  They just want to be loved, cared for, and live in the now.  What could be better than nurturing another living creature – be it a cat, dog, fish, or whatever little friend appeals to you?  They are instant loneliness alleviators, stress reducers, and all-round bosom buddies who will accept you unconditionally.

Be a Kindness Radical

The Kindness Movement is all about inflicting random acts of kindness on others.  There are formal groups out there which promote kindness, but here I am talking about just everyday acts of goodness you can do for others by yourself.  Let someone go ahead of you in the supermarket queue, compliment someone on their clothing or if you like their bag, smile at someone walking down the street, give up your seat on public transport, help an elderly person with their shopping, pay for someone’s parking spot – just something that will help uplift someone else’s day.  You’ll find that you will feel incredible afterwards.

Volunteer

Yes, yes, I know.  This old chestnut.  I am reacting to this myself because for so long I thought that volunteering was just for retirees, students, or a complete waste of time because it would take me away from my ‘real work’ or studies.  But if you are lonely there is no better way to get instant relief, help someone else, and learn something new.  This could be starting your own group to help others read, knit, garden, talk about God, cuddle sick babies at a hospital, or some other skill that you have.  There are many volunteer organisations out there – find them and check out what may appeal to you.

I hope this post has ignited something in you.  If it hasn’t, that’s okay too.  Take some time to think about taking one tiny step towards lightening loneliness in some way – whether it is your own or someone else’s – right where you are.  Every human being has gone through loneliness at some stage in their life.  You are not a waste of space in this beautiful life. The solution is looking at you in the mirror.  Ours is a community in hiding.  We have to get out there and bring it to life.

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